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Garden Tulip
Damariscotta, Maine; Inn Along the Way, Chapman Farm
The Sage was meeting with his followers, and they wanted to know why he often went away for days at a time, not to be seen by any of them. "One reason," he said, "is to be where I'm neither what you think I am nor what you think I'm not."
*Brian K. Wilcox. "Meetings with an Anonymous Sage."
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We wear identities like clothes, including others' ideas about us. I put on a coat on a cold day. I never think, "I'm a coat." I do not think, "I'm taking myself off," when I remove the coat.
Whether conjured up by someone else or you, all ideas about you are not you. That one thinks, "He's stupid," does not make you stupid. If another says, "You're wonderful," that is not you. And, the one who thinks you are wonderful today may think ill of you the next day. For some persons, disagreeing with them on one opinion changes their entire perception of you. Yet, thankfully, you are not a perception. You are free of all perceptions, even if you do not recognize that to be so.
And, we may find it challenging to recognize this freedom, for we are socialized to attach to how others identify us - at least, significant others. Even before birth, we are identified as "male" or "female," and with it comes a whole, complex mythology - a social rule book, so to speak - that can shape our lives in helpful and not-helpful directions. For example, in the culture of my youth, to be born male meant to be sexually attracted to females. And, that was - is - only an opinion. A male may learn he is sexually attracted to females or males or both, but neither attraction defines him - or, her. However, provisional identities can be helpful as a transition to transcending being defined by social norms. Trying to jettison provisional identities too soon is likely more a show of rebellion than maturity. We must grow beyond such identities, we cannot just reject them and, so, be free of them.
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Finally, we learn we are unspeakable, for we are unthinkable. We are not an absence, but the presence we are is nonconceptual. We can embrace that we are, healing the split between our self-concept and self-ineffability, but we cannot have an idea of that we are - no one else can of us, either.
One can no more identify you than God. God is what God is; likewise, you are that you are. To say what God is or you are, is a step away from God or you. Hence, atheists and theists habitually step away from the truth in their affirmations or denials.
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The Sage above knows to be free of perceptions of us, we must be free of what we esteem good and bad perceptions. Freedom means non-clinging to all perceptions about us. If someone says something positive about you, you can appreciate that and note that to the other. You can use that as inspiration. It is impolite and a show of false humility to deny the compliment. But, you let it pass through you. You do not let it stick. If you do, it has you, for you stick to it. It having you is a loss of freedom.
Likewise, if you receive criticism, you realize it is not you. You can be grateful for the objection. You can reflect on it. The complaint may have validity, even if partially, and you learn from it. If the criticism hurts you, that is a lesson in unhealthy attachment. In that case, you do not judge yourself; you place an intent to grow toward freedom from such attachment.
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Last, this is one of the important roles of solitude and silence: when we go apart from others, we practice being nothing and no one. This practice is truthful, for we are nothing and no one. We are so much more than a someone or a something. In the quiet and aloneness, we are often more in touch with that we are. Over time, this apartness fosters more detachment from basing our feelings and thoughts on what others say of us or our inner monologue about what we think we are. Continuously immersed with others, it is difficult, if not impossible, to appreciate that we are. Not knowing that we are limits our capacity to serve others, even while serving, from a heart-posture of selflessness. Through practice of holy aloofness, we grow to wear identities like the clothes we put on and take off - identities serving a purpose, but, indeed, mirage-like.
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*©Brian K. Wilcox, 2022.
*Use of photography is allowed accompanied by credit given to Brian K. Wilcox, and title and place of photograph.
*Brian's book, An Ache for Union: Poems on Oneness with God through Love, can be ordered through major online booksellers or the publisher AuthorHouse.
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